Society Needs More Common Sense
A column by Dan Darmons
When was the last time you saw one of those gold coins, the ones that were worth one dollar, the ones equal to the worth of the green bill with George on the front and the fucked up pyramid on the back. Those new ones that were supposed to be in circulation something like 3 years ago, but never made it because the public has no concept or clue as to what money is for anymore. I used to use those little things, they were very convenient and didn't take up much space, you could even fit one in the pouch of a Kangaroo shoe, which has conveniently doubled in size in recent years. I don't know how to put it nicely and easy to understand for you people who hoard these things unless I say, why? Even if you collect the whole set, the gold dollar, the silver dollar, and the Susan B, they are not going to be worth more despite popular opinion. One dollar is one dollar is one dollar.
I have a hard time understanding the fascination these monetary items hold over certain individuals, and you know who you are. If you get one in change and your one who hoards them, guess what, you just lost a dollar when you add it to your meaningless collection. I know one person who used to have my respect until he told me he had 7 gold coins and if I had any he would trade me two bills for one. Now, that doesn't make any cents, it is a horrible transaction for him and he isn't the only one willing to do it. Fortunately for the young future accountant I didn't have any, because I always throw mine back into circulation, as if it does any good.
The last time I used one was to pay for a couple pills of Viagra and the girl at the register didn't even look at me weird, I'm 22, instead she was enthralled by a little shiny golden dollar coin. To my surprise as if I were its keeper she hesitantly asked me, "do you mind if I keep this and put a dollar bill into the register instead."
In response I told her that I did mind and that if that she took it when I left there would be a curse placed upon her that would follow her till she destroyed the coin. She seemed to consider what I was saying and then put the coin into the register. I left and then watched her as she looked around like a thief and exchanged the dollar. She even dared a curse by a strange looking man to hoard yet another coin into her little pouch that was probably starting to rival what was left actually in circulation.
When I first noticed that I hadn't seen one in about 8 months I started asking around to see where they all went, I asked friends, neighbors, strangers and basically anyone. I found that about 85% of people have 0, 10% of people have 1, kept as some sort of relic, and the remaining 5% had anywhere from 25-800. Who keeps 800? When I told this lady that 1 gold coin in my hand was worth $1 and her 800 gold coins melted into a heap would equal $800, she scoffed and spat on me telling me I was dead wrong. "Gold coins are rare and rare things are worth more money."
I had to set her straight, "First gold coins aren't rare they are just hoarded in unintelligent collections such as yours plus they make more all the time and secondly the rare thing can't be worth more if it is the standard currency of the country your living in, dumb ass."
She replied "what about baseball cards," then turned and left. I'm still not sure what she meant by that. Either way, just to make sure I wasn't missing out on the chance of a lifetime and these little things were actually worth more in heaps I went to check it out, officially. The results were as expected, a golden coin by itself is $1, golden coins in a collection of 800 is $800. So, the golden coin is not a stock, it is not rare, it is our currency. Put them back into circulation you stupid people, your wasting your own money, this goes for silver dollars and Susan B's too. Dollar coins are not worth more if hoarded. One last note that I came across while talking to hoarders, I would like to dispel the rumor that state quarters are worth 26 cents if spent in their own state.
DD
