Clinton, Montana
4/24/02

During a press conference today, a new light was finally shed on the unexpected overthrowing of the government of Clinton, Montana early last week. After walking around various questions that peppered Bush for nearly 15 minutes in his Monday news conference, the President turned his head away from reporters and giggled, "I have to admit, it was my idea."

Clinton, a town of just over 500 people located approximately 100 miles northwest of Butte, Montana had recently gone through an emergency election to replace the head of the town board that died tragically when he was trampled by a bull. His absence on the town board left it split between far right wing extremist and hard-core republicans, with each group being represented by 2 individuals each. When Bill Haley, a 54-year-old hard core republican won to shift the power of the board, Bush knew that he had to step in.

Fresh off the successful US aided coup in Afghanistan, the high probably of similar a US backed effort in Iraq, Bush was confident that he could infiltrate the now powerful 3 man board team. With careful planning and meticulous execution, his plan would overthrow this new "leftist" movement in Clinton and return the town to its normal militia type attitude at the town board level. Bush began by claiming that revealing the coup plan would be a, "threat to national security," but shortly thereafter began smirking again and the chilling story followed.

"We had Bill Haley ran over by a lumber truck," the President said with a snort, "and then stuffed the ballot box so Larry Holden (the town's cave dwelling gun fabricator) would take the final spot on the board and the power would be returned to the rightful group." The President suddenly became somber and explained, "the United States Government is sorry for the death of Bill Haley, but we felt we had no choice. Despite the fact these militia based towns want to see me and my cabinet members hung by an oak tree in the name of the Constitution and their right to bear a ridiculous amount of arms, they are important, as they balance out the liberal college towns."

Mr. Bush also went on to explain that, "this government overthrowing thing is definitely the best unexpected perk of being President of this great nation and let me tell you, we've gotten pretty darn good it." Since the US has done so well recently in the government-overthrowing department, the President was asked when he expects to move into Iraq to oust long time enemy Saddam Hussein. "God willing, we move in tomorrow", Bush explained, "but if not, we'll have to keep ourselves sharp, so ya'll better not go voting for any Democrats or we may be coming after you."

When asked if the town name, Clinton, had anything to do with Bush's decision to overthrow its government as opposed to another small town, Bush again giggled and walked out of the room.